Out of nowhere, the person shows up, and you cannot avoid dealing with him. Whether at work or circle of friends, you may not dislike the person, yet ending up experiencing “indigestion” of negative emotions…
What can you do? Especially when your first choice of running, and stay away from is not an option.
Best solution I have used for myself is to cut the situation ( a pie) in a half… This based on NLP and other spiritual training I have taken. The relationship is a reflection of ourselves, which means when we have reaction to others or situation, it is an opportunity for us to reflect and to let it go whatever is no longer serving who we are.
The key 3 questions are:
-What is this person representing in me?
-What is the positive intention of this person?
-What do I want instead?
Half of the pie is about myself looking as if I am a zen monk:
1.What is it about this person upsetting me or making me feel a certain way? Focusing on his or her specific behavior instead of generalizing.
2.List out what I want as alternative behavior if I can request the best outcome
3.Review my past if I had a similar person like his or her, and what my reaction to that stereo typical character. For example, I tend to react super analytical person, and I feel judged, and experience fear and anger around her. She reminds me my first piano teacher
4.Let go of my own negative emotions and do forgiveness meditation. (There are many ways to let go of negative emotions, and I provide a private session for that. Hawaiian Ho’oponopono is a very effective forgiveness meditation. It is a life savor practice in my opinion!)
The other half is about the person’s specific behavior looking from a different angle (yap, stay as a zen monk, baby!)
5.Once I am “flat”towards the person by releasing, I am ready to look at the other half of the pie
6. What could be a positive intention of this person’s specific behavior which I had a difficulty with?
7.How or what can I offer to fulfill the purpose of his/her intention, so that person doesn’t have to do it “for me”?
8.What is the best way to share my alternative proposal which may include putting a boundary or releasing him from my circle of contacts?
9.Use lots of “lubricant”or use sandwich method of feedback to his specific behavior instead of attacking the person (NLP : separate the behavior from the person). People can hear when they feel safe in my presence.
10.Evaluate and change actions accordingly. Stay focusing on the result I want
How to be Zen with difficult people... is a meditative practice. Monkey people with monkey mind.... OMMMMMM~
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